It took until my senior year of high school to accept that I am actually bisexual, not “faking” it. I was super feminine and “boy-crazy” from an early age. I always understood my feelings for boys, but with girls, things got fuzzy. I grew up in the 2000s-2010’s, and the attitude towards female bisexuality was something fun and sexy for the pleasure of men. Not to be taken too seriously. Biphobia differs from homophobia because it comes from both within and outside the community. You're too straight for gay people and too gay for straight people. Like Lucy Dacus said, “Sometimes people are the ally at the pride parade for years before they figure out why they keep showing up.” I unknowingly internalized the “straight girl is bisexual for male attention” stereotype, lying awake every night, convincing myself I was straight. At a certain point, I thought straight people don’t need to convince themselves this hard. Homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny all stem from the same need to maintain rigid social order with men on top and women subjected underneath. When people change these roles, the whole project falls apart. Religion was partly invented to enforce this, using shame and a moral panopticon to maintain the pecking order, even when alone with your thoughts. The male gaze complicates sexual awakening. When your sexual identity is a literal male fantasy, how can you tell what’s real and what’s put upon you? This piece explores coming of age, Madonna/whore, male gaze, fetishization of youth and bisexuality, surveillance, technology, and objectification. My ongoing series “Cuffing Season” explores love and sexuality through the lens of hunting culture. I reference some of my favorite films, American Beauty and Black Swan, and paintings like Death of Sappho and The Roses of Heliogabalus.